Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 22

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man killed girlfriend's son, then pawned her 
stuff while she was at the hospĆtal with 
the dying toddler
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 23 in
1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average 
plunged starting the stock-market crash that began 
the Great Depression. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) ______________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this: These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what! were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh? ____________________________________________ And the best for last ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas," the friend observed. "But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?" "Well," the husband said, "we changed our plans because, uh..." His wife cut in, "Oh, tell the truth, Fred!" He fell silent and she continued, "You know, it's just ridiculous. Fred simply will not ask for directions." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Earl Vickers, 31, in jail Florida Man killed girlfriend's son, then pawned her stuff while she was at the hospĆtal with the dying toddler An unimaginable story out of florida, where a 31-year-old man is accused of fatally beating his girlfriend's 17-month- old son then stealing her belongings and pawning them off while she was at the hospital with the dying toddler. David earl vickers called 911 on aug. 21 to report the boy, luca sholey, was unresponsive and not breathing, the miami herald reports. After two days in the hospital, luca was declared brain-dead from "injuries ... Consistent with child abuse," per a police statement cited by people; he died aug. 25 as a result of blunt trauma to his brain and asphyxia. He also had bruises on his chest and six broken ribs. On aug. 27, luca's mother reported her car stereo and laptop were missing, and she told police she "found out that he [vickers] had pawned the car stereo, so she suspected that the laptop was pawned as well," a police detective tells people. Police recovered the stolen items. They say vickers took the stereo on aug. 21, before luca went to the hospital, and pawned it for $30, and that he took the laptop and charger when luca's mom was at the hospital with the toddler and pawned them for $60. Vickers was charged with crimes related to the alleged thefts on aug. 30. After an investigation in which they found vickers had allegedly physically abused luca on several occasions before his death, police arrested him thursday and charged him with second-degree murder and aggravated child abuse. He'd been watching luca and his 3- year-old sister on the day luca was fatally injured, and he told police luca had been knocked down the stairs by an older sibling, abc action news reports. Vickers had just been released from prison in may after serving nearly three years for trafficking in stolen property and defrauding a pawnbroker. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Recording radio onto CD Dear Webby, I love the news & fun. It's usually the 1st mail I open in this box. Some of your tech questions & answers have been very helpful. Thanks so much. I have a question about listneing to radio online. I have a program I usually tape off my reg radio that comes on every day at the same hour. If for some reason I do not get it I can go the the site online & listend to it again. Is there a way to tape this broadcast onto a cd? If so how mucht time will usually fit on 1 cd.I am using cd-rw that say 700mb & 80 min. Does this mean i can get 1hr +20 min on 1 cd? I appreciate your help on this. Thanks again, Sharon Dear Sharon By compressing it to MP3 or MP4 you can fit a lot more than the original air time onto a CD. There are lots of ways to do that: http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&q=record+radio+to+CD&meta= Ignore the ads on top and go to the real search results below. Take your pick! Have FUN! DearWebby

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? A. Don't worry. Your secrets are safe. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Marking Seed Rows Use paper seed packages as markers for rows of seeds. Just cover the seed package with clear contact paper to prevent it from the elements and slip over a small stake. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com If you need stakes, go to Home Depot or a similar building supply store, and ask for "Grade Stakes" or "Short Survey Stakes". They come in bundles and are cheap. To keep your seed lines perfectly straight, run dental floss between the end stakes. It is much stronger and much cheaper than any twine you can buy. You can re-use it for many years if you wind it up on the stakes at the end of the season. ____________________________________________________ I was walking when I noticed a woman walking cautiously and apparently painfully. The woman was wearing thongs, her black patent pumps held high in one hand and her other hand outstretched for balance. "You poor babe, your feet must really hurt," I said as she was about to pass me. "Wet toenails," she said tersely. __________________________________________________
How would you like to stay in a snow hotel? Slide show.
___________________________________________________ A Sunday school teacher asked her students why they had to be quiet during the Church service. One bright little girl replied "Because people are sleeping."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. That student got back his test score and $64 change. ____________________________________________________

Today, October 23, in 
1864 During the U.S. Civil War, Union forces led by Gen.
Samuel R. Curtis defeated the Confederate forces in Missouri
that were under Gen. Stirling Price. 

1910 Blanche S. Scott became the first woman to make a
public solo airplane flight in the United States. 

1915 Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to vote
with a march in New York City, NY. 

1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged
starting the stock-market crash that began the Great
Depression. 

1942 During World War II, the British began a major
offensive against Axis forces at El Alamein, Egypt. 

1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf began. 

1946 The United Nations General Assembly convened in New
York for the first time. 

1956 Hungarian citizens began an uprising against Soviet
occupation. On November 4, 1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary
and eventually suppress the uprising. 

1956 NBC broadcast the first videotape recording. The tape
of Jonathan Winters was seen coast to coast in the U.S. 

1958 Russian poet and novelist Boris Pasternak was awarded
the Nobel Prize for literature. He was forced to refuse the
honor due to negative Soviet reaction. Pasternak won the
award for writing "Dr. Zhivago". 

1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, the U.S. naval
"quarantine" of Cuba was approved by the Council of the
Organization of American States (OAS). 

1962 The U.S. Navy reconnaissance squadron VFP-62 began
overflights of Cuba under the code name "Blue Moon." 

1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and
seat Communist China. 

1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon agreed to turn over the
subpoenaed tapes concerning the Watergate affair. 

1978 China and Japan formally ended four decades of
hostility when they exchanged treaty ratifications. 

1980 The resignation of Soviet Premier Alexei N. Kosygin was
announced. 

1984 "NBC Nightly News" aired footage of the severe drought
in Ethiopia. 

1985 U.S. President Reagan arrived in New York to address
the U.N. General Assembly. 

1989 Hungary became an independent republic, after 33 years
of Soviet rule. 

1992 Japanese Emperor Akihito became the first Japanese
emperor to stand on Chinese soil. 

1995 Russian President Boris Yeltsin and U.S. President Bill
Clinton agree to a joint peacekeeping effort in the war-torn
Bosnia. 

1998 Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and
Palestinian Chairman Yasser Arafat reach a breakthrough in a
land-for-peace West Bank accord. 

1998 Japan nationalized its first bank since World War II. 

2000 Universal Studios Consumer Products Group (USCPG) and
Amblin Entertainment announced an unprecedented and
exclusive three-year worldwide merchandising program with
Toys "R" Us, Inc. The deal was for the rights to exclusive
"E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial" merchandise starting in fall
2001. The film was scheduled for re-release in the spring of
2002. 

2001 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began orbiting Mars. In
2010, it became the longest-operating spacecraft ever sent
to Mars. 

2017  smiled.
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