Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, December 14

____________________________________________________
Today, December 14 in 
1986 The experimental aircraft Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan
and Jeana Yeager, took off from California on the first non-
stop, non-refueled flight around the world. The trip took nine
days to complete.

______________________________________________________
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Today's Bonehead Award: Florida man had sex with stuffed toy at Target _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ Men who never get carried away should be. --- Malcolm Forbes It is not who is right, but what is right, that is of importance. --- Thomas Huxley _______________________________________________ An old farmer in Georgia had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he had not been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." "I'm just here to feed the alligators." ________________________________________________` ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cody Christopher Meader, 20, St. Petersburg, Floriduh Florida man had sex with stuffed toy at Target A Florida prosecutor yesterday filed a misdemeanor criminal count against the 20-year-old man arrested last month for allegedly engaging in sexual conduct with a pair of large stuffed animal toys at a Target store. A misdemeanor information charges Cody Christopher Meader with criminal mischief in connection with the October 22 incident at a Target about 10 miles from his St. Petersburg residence. The December 5 information accuses Meader, seen at right, of willfully and maliciously damaging Target goods by ejaculating on the merchandise. The court filing notes that damage to said property being $200.00 or less. Meader, who is free on $150 bond, is scheduled for arraignment on January 6. According to a police report, Meader arrived at Target around 2 PM and approached a display featuring characters from the Disney film Frozen. He then selected a large Olaf stuffed animal and placed it on the floor. Meader proceeded to dry hump the cinematic snowman until he ejaculated on the merchandise. Upon returning the soiled stuffed animal back to a merchandise rack, Meader entered the toy department. There, cops allege, he selected a large unicorn stuffed animal and began to 'dry hump' this item. After being detained by police inside Target, Meader reportedly admitted to doing 'stupid stuff' and admitted that he had 'nutted' on the Olaf stuffed animal. The Olaf and unicorn dolls were removed from the store floor and destroyed, according to cops.
DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: AOL Postmaster Re: AOL User Malfunctions Dear Webby, Today AOL experienced a 0.39% rate of AOL USER MALFUNCTIONS. Please do something about it, or AOL will send you even sillier and even more useless mails about "undisclosed recipients". Do not reply to this message, because the guy who can read got a respectable job last month. AOL Postmaster Dear AOL victims Please try to sober up enough before reading your mail, so that you don't accidentally hit the THIS IS SPAM button on your phone bill, court summons or Humor Letter. It makes you look stupid and provokes your postmaster into acting even more incompetent than he normally is. Remember, the THIS IS SPAM button is not a vote button, even if a joke hits too close to home. Every time you hit that button on legitimate mail, it is counted as another AOL USER MALFUNCTION. Have FUN! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
Returning home from work, this lady in Baltimore, a town famous for their excellent K-9 police squads, had been shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcasted the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the woman ran out on the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, "I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a BLIND cop!"
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The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period." "I haven't got a clue," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. When he heard that, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and Revernd Hibbert next door left for a mission in Africa."
What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about? It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she was a kid. I want these stories to be preserved. You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions "bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi'," but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers, probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put them all together into one e-book. This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format, you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the CD with family pictures and other keepsakes, making it a true heirloom. I have produced a smaller version last year. This final edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the price down to the same $10. The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice Christmas gift! Click on the book cover to get your copy or click on Heirloom Christmas Book http://webby.com/cb You can download it and give the file as a gift! ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Cooking Mushrooms When cooking mushrooms, always be sure that you cook them with low heat and do not allow them to cook too long. If you do, they will become tough and will shrivel. Very little liquid is needed in any recipe in which you use mushrooms, because they themselves are ninety percent water. Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun ____________________________________________________
New hurricane on Jupiter
___________________________________________________ A white haired man walked into a jeweler's shop late one Friday, with a beautiful young lady on his side. "I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend" he said. The jeweler looked through his stock, and took out an outstanding ring priced at $5,000. "I don't think you understand ... I want something very unique," he said. At that, the jeweler went and fetched his special stock from the safe. "Here's one stunning ring at $40,000." The girls' eyes sparkled, and the man said that he would take it. "How are you paying?" "I'll pay by check, but, of course, the bank would want to make sure that everything is in order, so I'll write a check and you can phone the bank tomorrow, then I'll fetch the ring on Monday". Monday morning a very irate jeweler phones the man. "You crook, you lied. There's no money in that account." "I know, but can you imagine what a fantastic weekend I had? ___________________________________________________ There was a very wealthy 70 year-old man who had just married a beautiful 25-year-old young lady. One of his long time friends said to him, "How did you get that gorgeous woman to marry a 70 year-old guy like you?" The man leaned over and whispered to his friend, "It was easy. I simply told her that I was 90 and had heart problems, and she instantly fell in love with me." ___________________________________________________ Answering machine message: "This is the microwave. The answering machine eloped with the VCR and is currently not available. I can't record your message, but if you want me to boil your brain, please hold your phone close to your head." __________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________

Today December 14 in
1503 Physician, astrologer and clairvoyant Nostradamus was born
at St. Remy, Provence, France.

1798 David Wilkinson of Rhode Island patented the nut and bolt
machine.

1900 Professor Max Planck of Berlin University revealed his
revolutionary Quantum Theory.

1903 Orville Wright made the first attempt at powered flight.
The engine stalled during take-off and the plane was damaged in
the attempt. Three days later, after repairs were made, the
modern aviation age was born when the plane stayed aloft for 12
seconds and flew 102 feet.

1911 Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen became the first man to
reach the South Pole. He reached the destination 35 days ahead
of Captain Robert F. Scott.

1918 For the first time in Britain women (over 30) voted in a
General Election.

1939 The Soviet Union was dropped from the League of Nations.

1945 Josef Kramer, known as "the beast of Belsen," and 10
others were executed in Hamelin for the crimes they committed
at the Belsen and Auschwitz Nazi concentration camps.

1959 Archbishop Makarios was elected Cyprus' first president.

1962 The U.S. space probe Mariner II approached Venus. It
transmitted information about the planet's atmosphere and
surface temperature.

1975 Six South Moluccan terrorists surrendered to police after
holding 23 people hostage for 12 days on a train near the Dutch
town of Beilen.

1981 Israel annexed the Golan Heights, seized from Syria in war
in 1967.

1983 The U.S. battleship New Jersey fired on Syrian positions
in Lebanon for the first time after American F-14
reconnaissance flights were fired on.

1985 Wilma Mankiller became the first woman to lead a major
American Indian tribe as she formally took office as principal
chief of the Cherokee Nation of OKlahoma.

1986 The experimental aircraft Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan
and Jeana Yeager, took off from California on the first non-
stop, non-refueled flight around the world. The trip took nine
days to complete.

1987 Chrysler pled no contest to federal charges of selling
several thousand vehicles as new when Chrysler employees had
driven the vehicles with the odometer disconnected.

1988 CBS won the exclusive rights to major league baseball's
1990-94 seasons for $1.1 billion.

1988 The first transatlantic underwater fiber-optic cable went
into service.

1990 After 30 years in exile, ANC president Oliver Tambo
returned to South Africa.

1993 The United Mine Workers approved a five-year contract that
ended a strike that had reached seven states and involved some
of the nation's biggest coal operators.

1995 The presidents of Bosnia and Herzegovina, Serbia, Croatia
signed the Dayton Accords to end fighting in Bosnia.

1995 AIDS patient Jeff Getty received the first-ever bone-
marrow transplant from a baboon.

1997 Iran's newest president, Mohammad Khatami, called for a
dialogue with the people of the United States. The preceding
Iranian leaders had reviled the U.S. as "The Great Satan."

1997 Cuban President Fidel Castro declared Christmas 1997 an
official holiday to ensure the success of Pope John Paul II's
upcoming visit to Cuba.

1998 Hundreds of Palestinian leaders renounced a call for the
destruction of Israel.

1999 U.S. and German negotiators agreed to establish a $5.2
billion fund for Nazi-era slave and forced laborers.

1999 Charles M. Schulz announced he was retiring the "Peanuts"
comic strip. The last original "Peanuts" comic strip was
published on February 13, 2000.

2000 It was announced that American businessman Edmond Pope
would be released from a Russian prison for humanitarian
reasons. Pope had been sentenced to 20 years in prison after
his conviction on espionage charges.

2001 European Union leaders agreed to dispatch 3,000-4,000
troops to join an international peacekeeping force in
Afghanistan.

2001 The first commercial export, since 1963, of U.S. food to
Cuba began. The 24,000 metric tons for corn were being sent to
replenish what was lost when Hurricane Michelle struck on
November 4.

2013 The Chinese spacecraft Chang'e 3 became the first
spacecraft to "soft"-land on the Moon since 1976. It was only
the third robotic rover to land on the moon.

2019  smiled.
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