Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Good Morning, !

3 day injections time-out!
Sorry for not warning you earlier.
By the time you read this, I will be in Calgary
and get poked into my eyeballs with sharp syringes and have
Lucentis squirted through the eyeballs to the Macular 
behind the retina.

That means there won't be a newsletter on Satuirday, Sunday, or
Monday.

Enjoy your vacation!


Today is Friday, December 14
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Did you see the Geminid meteor shower?
It is not always in winter. I remember when I was ten or maybe
twelve, it was in summer. The Alpine club went for a climbing
excursion to the Dolomites in South Tirol, now awarded to Italy
to punish Austria for losing WWI. Well, the folks still talked
German with a heavy Tirolean accent.

We got there just by nightfall and had a four or five hour march
up to the Alpine Club lodge. As soon as it was pitch black dark,
and the trail just lit by star light, I noticed a falling star!
WOW! Naturally I remembered the stories, that if you wished upon
a falling star without breathing, the wish would come true.

Well, I had a crush on a girl named Maria. So I silently said her
name each time I saw a falling star. Around midnight there were
probably ten falling stars per minute, maybe more.

Well, the climb the next day was very exciting. Nothing ever
happened with Maria. The cousin who had promised to give her a
message, forgot. And eventually I forgot about that Maria.
However, for about 25 years, every girl, who tangled with me, had
Maria or Mary in her name. 

Even the American, who talked me into coming to this continent
with her in 1970, and who then promptly dumped me after hitch-
hiking from New York to the Yukon, was named Mary. 
Around 1990 the Mary's tapered off. 
The stars apparently had stopped working.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 
DUI suspect found asleep at wheel, 
arrested after high-speed chase

______________________________________________________
Today, December 14 in
1798 David Wilkinson of Rhode Island patented the nut and bolt
machine. Machine made consistent and interchangeable nuts and
bolts are often considered the main ingredient of the Industrial
Revolution. 
More of today in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Too much of a good thing is wonderful. --- Mae West (1892 - 1980) If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong. --- Mo Udall Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. --- Thomas Jefferson Is that why Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton want gun control so badly? ______________________________________________________ If some hacker using one of your friend's messenger posts this: "I saw your name on the list and i want to know if you've got your money from the authority or not before it's closes..." feel free to use your most insulting cuss words. Get right carried away! When your friend sees that, she or he will fall down laughing. They know you would not talk to THEM that way. Contact your friends via email and tell them to change their Facebook and Messenger password, because some no-good Nigerian crook is abusing it. ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ When Trump was visiting Israel he met the Israeli Prime Minister. In classic Trump style, the U.S. President offers a gift to his guest. "Here you go, says Trump. "Try out this shiny new Cadillac. It's their finest model." "Thank you, Mr. President, but I can not accept this magnificent gift." replies the Prime Minister. "Oh. I understand about gift limits. Ok then ... give me a half dollar for it. Then it won't be a gift." replies Trump. The Prime Minister gives Trump a dollar. "I don't have any change ... too bad" says the President. "No big deal... you'll just give me two Cadillacs" retorts the Prime Minister. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ When John died, his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered than a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I knew he died of diarrhea. But it was his last wish, for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than just full of crap, like he always was." ______________________________________________________ Don't worry. If you don't open your parachute, you will probably land in the same country as your car keys. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Valdez Carrillo, Maricopa, Arizona DUI suspect found asleep at wheel, arrested after high-speed chase It was 6 a.m. on Sunday when Maricopa Police found 20-year-old Luis Valdez Carrillo asleep behind his steering wheel on State Route 347. Earlier that morning, police received a report that a dark- colored Dodge Charger ran into the center median on Interstate 10 and the vehicle was sitting at a green light for several cycles at SR 347 and Edison Road in Maricopa. After being woken up by officers, Valdez Carrillo appeared to have bloodshot watery eyes, slow dextral movement and dazed expression, according to the report. When police activated their red and blue lights, Valdez Carrillo acknowledged the officers' presence and allegedly drove off at a high rate of speed. According to the report, he was weaving through lanes and nearly struck an officer with his vehicle. Officers eventually lost visual sight of Valdez Carrillo and set up a perimeter of his last known location. The vehicle was spotted later across town on Dutchman Drive in Maricopa Meadows, and Valdez-Carrillo was located in the back seat and arrested. At the police station, he blew a 0.150 and 0.147 during an alcohol breath test, according to police records. Valdez Carrillo was charged with underage driving under the influence of alcohol and possession of alcohol by an underage person, unlawful flight from law enforcement vehicle, endangerment, reckless driving, aggravated DUI with license revoked and an open container violation. Valdez Carrillo is held in the Pinal County Jail on $40,000 bond. He is scheduled to appear in court on Dec. 18.
From: Donny Re: Open Office or Google? Dear Webby, Thank you again for your newsletter and for your help in the past. I am just wondering if you know whether or not "Google Spreadsheets and Documents" are as good as "Open Office". I am now running MS Office 2000 and can no longer get updates so I'm considering changing. Also. will these other programs read my previously created documents (Word, Excel) and allow editing of them ? Any advice would be helpful and a reply would be appreciated - I will, however, watch the newsletter; which I am getting with no problems in Gmail. Thank you, Donny Dear Donny Google spreadsheets and documents are in Google format, and stored on Google, so that collaborators can work on them from various locations. While that may be handy for some specific tasks, it's not really what you need. I found them to be awkward and very slow. Open Office uses OPEN format, totally independent of the type of machine or operating system. It can read your WORD DOC and Excel stuff and even save in that format Converting to Open Office is totally painless and there is no need to get rid of M$ Office. It is free but a huge program, though, and will take a while to download. But it is well worth it! Have FUN! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Q. What do you call a redneck couple with only two kids, each? A. Newlyweds.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Kati for this story: One day, Johnny Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin. Bubba, where'd ya git dat truck?!?" "Tina gived it to me" Bubba replied "She gived it to ya? "I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?" "Well, Johnny, let me tell you what happened. We wuz drivin' out on County Road 301, in the middle of nowheres. Tina pulled off the road, put the truck in four-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Bubba, take whatever you want.' So I took the truck! " "Bubba, yore a smart man! Her clothes woulda never fit ya." She will shoot him when she gets back to town. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Writing Notes on the Bathroom Mirror When I need to do something in the AM, I jot a note on the bathroom mirror with a dry-erase marker at night. I see it as I am dressing and brushing teeth, and I can then wipe it off the mirror with a tissue. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The Shirk Report
___________________________________________________ >From Thorn During a field exercise at Camp Lejeune, N.C., my squad was on a night patrol through some thick brush. Halfway through, we realized we'd lost our map. The patrol navigator informed us, "Our odds are 1 in 359 that we'll get out of here." "How did you come up with that?" someone asked. "Well," he replied, "one of the degrees on the compass has to be right." ___________________________________________________ A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.' The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.' The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take..! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.' The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives I want to know how she feels inside what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment.., why she cries.., what she means when she says: 'Nothing's wrong'.., and how I can make a woman truly happy!' The Lord replied: 'Do you want two lanes or four on that bridge?' ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about? It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she was a kid. I want these stories to be preserved. You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions "bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi'," but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers, probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put them all together into one e-book. This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format, you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the CD with family pictures and other keepsakes, making it a true heirloom. I have produced a smaller version last year. This final edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the price down to the same $10. The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice Christmas gift! Click on the book cover to get your copy or click on Heirloom Christmas Book http://webby.com/cb You can download it and give the file as a gift! ___________________________________________________

Today December 14 in
1503 Physician, astrologer and clairvoyant Nostradamus was born
at St. Remy, Provence, France. 

1798 David Wilkinson of Rhode Island patented the nut and bolt
machine. Machine made consistent and interchangeable nuts and
bolts are often considered the main ingredient of the Industrial
Revolution.

1900 Professor Max Planck of Berlin University revealed his
revolutionary Quantum Theory. 

1903 Orville Wright made the first attempt at powered flight. The
engine stalled during take-off and the plane was damaged in the
attempt. Three days later, after repairs were made, the modern
aviation age was born when the plane stayed aloft for 12 seconds
and flew 102 feet. 

1911 Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen became the first man to
reach the South Pole. He reached the destination 35 days ahead of
Captain Robert F. Scott. 

1918 For the first time in Britain women (over 30) voted in a
General Election. 

1939 The Soviet Union was dropped from the League of Nations. 

1945 Josef Kramer, known as "the beast of Belsen," and 10 others
were executed in Hamelin for the crimes they committed at the
Belsen and Auschwitz Nazi concentration camps. 

1946 The U.N. General Assembly voted to establish the United
Nation's headquarters in New York City. 

1959 Archbishop Makarios was elected Cyprus' first president. 

1962 The U.S. space probe Mariner II approached Venus. It
transmitted information about the planet's atmosphere and surface
temperature. 

1975 Six South Moluccan terrorists surrendered to police after
holding 23 people hostage for 12 days on a train near the Dutch
town of Beilen. 

1981 Israel annexed the Golan Heights, seized from Syria in war
in 1967. 

1983 The U.S. battleship New Jersey fired on Syrian positions in
Lebanon for the first time after American F-14 reconnaissance
flights were fired on. 

1985 Wilma Mankiller became the first woman to lead a major
American Indian tribe as she formally took office as principal
chief of the Cherokee Nation of OKlahoma. 

1986 The experimental aircraft Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan and
Jeana Yeager, took off from California on the first non-stop,
non-refueled flight around the world. The trip took nine days to
complete. 

1987 Chrysler pled no contest to federal charges of selling
several thousand vehicles as new when Chrysler employees had
driven the vehicles with the odometer disconnected. 

1988 CBS won the exclusive rights to major league baseball's
1990-94 seasons for $1.1 billion. 

1988 The first transatlantic underwater fiber-optic cable went
into service. 

1990 After 30 years in exile, ANC president Oliver Tambo returned
to South Africa. 

1993 A judge in Colorado struck down the state's voter-approved
Amendment Two prohibiting gay rights laws, calling it
unconstitutional. 

1993 The United Mine Workers approved a five-year contract that
ended a strike that had reached seven states and involved some of
the nation's biggest coal operators. 

1995 The presidents of Bosnia and Herzegovina, Serbia, Croatia
signed the Dayton Accords to end fighting in Bosnia. 

1995 AIDS patient Jeff Getty received the first-ever bone-marrow
transplant from a baboon. 

1997 Iran's newest president, Mohammad Khatami, called for a
dialogue with the people of the United States. The preceding
Iranian leaders had reviled the U.S. as "The Great Satan." 

1997 Mike Gartner (Phoenix Coyotes) became only the fifth player
in National Hockey League (NHL) history to score 700 career
goals. 

1997 Cuban President Fidel Castro declared Christmas 1997 an
official holiday to ensure the success of Pope John Paul II's
upcoming visit to Cuba. 

1998 Hundreds of Palestinian leaders renounced a call for the
destruction of Israel. 

1999 U.S. and German negotiators agreed to establish a $5.2
billion fund for Nazi-era slave and forced laborers. 

1999 Charles M. Schulz announced he was retiring the "Peanuts"
comic strip. The last original "Peanuts" comic strip was
published on February 13, 2000. 

2000 It was announced that American businessman Edmond Pope would
be released from a Russian prison for humanitarian reasons. Pope
had been sentenced to 20 years in prison after his conviction on
espionage charges. 

2001 European Union leaders agreed to dispatch 3,000-4,000 troops
to join an international peacekeeping force in Afghanistan. 

2001 The first commercial export, since 1963, of U.S. food to
Cuba began. The 24,000 metric tons for corn were being sent to
replenish what was lost when Hurricane Michelle struck on
November 4. 

2013 The Chinese spacecraft Chang'e 3 became the first spacecraft
to "soft"-land on the Moon since 1976. It was only the third
robotic rover to land on the moon. 

2018  smiled.
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